The Colonel

Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi: The momma to be

Tuesday, April 24, 2012 By Makaylah Goudy

As many people have heard (and seen) Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is now expecting a baby! The sex of the child is undetermined at this point in time, but boy or girl, we all know that the little bundle will be happy with its new tanning bed loving, shot taking, out-of-wedlock parents. The new baby has plenty of reasons to be proud of his or her mama, like the fact that she is a veterinary tech major. Polizzi is also known to have a major in public indecency and public intoxication. The baby’s mama is also extremely talented in her ability to write and publish her flourishing novels with the help of thoroughly embarrassed ghost writers. Snooki would agree that life without a few speed bumps is boring! Her grand speed bump was right into the side of a taxi in Italy with the Jersey Shore cast. As mentioned earlier, she had studied in the field of veterinary tech, so we can assume she loves animals. She proclaimed her love for Lola (Deena’s bunny suit) in the most recent season and cannot rest without her dearest “Crocadilly,” which is a stuffed pet that was won for her on the boardwalk. One of many acts that displays her incredible responsibility is when she took a shot of tequila and took the courtesy of using an old man’s shoulder to use as a salt stand, slathering her tongue graciously and thoroughly over his wrinkly man skin. Speaking of drinking, Snooki also had been worried that while she was unaware of her pregnancy, she was doing her normal binge of healthy and flavorful alcohol and cigarettes! Yum! But no worries, doctors have stated that this was too early in her pregnancy to harm the baby in any way! Whooh! That was a close one! Along with many other great health decisions, it has been speculated that she had been using an illegal dieting drug, Zantrex 3. While the time of pregnancy is based on women having that guilt free binge eating, she had the ability to still diet. Her incredible education and her excessive drinking does, in no way, hinder her wonderful vernacular. Some of her most used, and publicly appropriate phrases are “My biggest nightmare is waking up pale. Or without eyelashes,” and “A Guidette has to know how to have fun anywhere. Like, if you’re stuck in a cardboard box, you have to rock it.” Another would be “LOVE my slippers. It’s like wearing beds on your feet.” And one of my favorites, “If you can smell hair gel from a mile away, it signals Guido mating season.” As we can see, from the things she says, and how she says them she will be able to teach her child a whole lot! And not to mention she’s going to be able to teach her child all about how important fashion and attention is. Snooki is now is going to have an entire show with J Woww based on her pregnancy. Nicole Polizzi is an amazing prankster. The little 4’9” pickle lover enjoys pranking many of her shore-mates, the most popular one being Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. He has endured everything from prank hookups to cheeze beds from this jersey girl. Little baby Snooks will be so enthused with its mother’s amazing ability to make everyone laugh. Polizzi is extremely successful for her 24 years of life and wise beyond her faux eyelashes. She is releasing her self-titled perfume “Snooki” in major department stores and even hosted an infomercial for its release. The star was so excited while expressing her joy with the product she in turn knocked it viciously off the counter. After all success is not tied in with coordination. Snooki is really on the roll to becoming a great mother and is expected to be loving and full of joy for her child, and hopefully, children! If it’s any mom that I would take advice from in this world, it would be that woman! Although she has made some bumpy decisions in the past, that should never hold back any strong, well spoken, binge drinking, private flashing, tan bedding, sex craving woman! I mean, c’mon! She’s also a huge tv star, will be on two shows, has a website, and her very own perfume! Her baby should be so proud.