The Viking Voice
Vermin Supreme for PresidentFriday, February 17, 2012 By Brennan Craven
Of the many presidential candidates this year, one stands out from the rest. Vermin Supreme, Democrat, is known for wearing a boot as a hat and carrying a large toothbrush. Supreme is campaigning with an unusual platform, claiming that if elected president, he will pass a law requiring all people to brush their teeth. “A country’s future depends on its ability to bite back. We can no longer be a nation indentured. Our very salivation is at stake,” said Supreme along with other teeth-related puns. Supreme is a performance artist and is a satirical candidate. Supreme says he got the name from when he was booking bands for underground clubs after he dropped out of art school. “That is where Vermin Supreme came into being; I was going to be a club owner, all club owners, all booking agents, they’re all vermin and I was to be the Vermin Supreme,” he said. Supreme legally changed his name to “Vermin Supreme” in the 1990s. This is not the first time Supreme has run for office. In 1988, Supreme ran for Mayor of Baltimore, Detroit, and Mercury, Nevada, but lost all three times. In 2000, Supreme declared himself “Emperor of the New Millennium”, a title he has retained to this day. Supreme campaigned in the Washington D.C. presidential primary in 2004, where he received 149 votes. Supreme also campaigned in the New Hampshire Republican primary in 2008, where he received 41 votes (0.02%). This year, Supreme is running on a platform for zombie apocalypse awareness and time travel research. He has promised a free pony to every American in order to decrease dependence on foreign oil. “We will be able to turn all that pony poop to methane gas,” Supreme stated during the Lesser-Know Democratic Candidates Presidential Forum. “One more thing: Jesus told me to turn Randall Terry gay,” Supreme declared during the same forum and then proceeded to glitter-bomb fellow candidate Randall Terry. Supreme received 831 votes in the Democratic primary in New Hampshire, compared to Barack Obama’s 48,959. “I would vote for him,” says senior Alex Hursey. “He would be the most fun president ever. Who doesn’t love a free pony?” For a ridiculous campaign, it is surprising that Supreme got any votes at all, especially considering he is regarded as a “clown politician” and stated, “a vote for Vermin Supreme is a vote completely thrown away”. But anyone who wants a free pony or thinks using zombies to power large turbines as an energy source is a good idea should definitely vote Vermin Supreme for president. “Vermin Supreme 2012: Ride Our Ponies Into The Future.” |