THE TANK

THE BIG PICTURE: Valentine’s Day Survival Guide For Guys

Monday, February 07, 2011 By Editor Pauline Santos

Okay, so maybe I’m one of those girls who needs a Super Bowl XLV Survival Guide for girls (thanks, Zane). As much as I like the atmosphere that is created when everyone is gathered around the TV (plus the food--you can never forget the food), I’m usually clueless as to what’s happening on the screen. I’m not very sports-savvy. It’s like watching a movie in a different language. I would be much better off watching a sappy, romantic movie like The Notebook and I’m sure most girls would be, too, unless you’re one of those totally cool sports chicks. Speaking of sappy and romantic... I hope you gentlemen are paying attention to the date because guess what day is coming up? Before you frantically rush over to the calendar in search of a forgotten upcoming date night, anniversary, or worse, birthday (yikes!), take a minute to think. What comes to mind when you hear hearts, flowers, red and pink, and lots of money being spent? The holiday all men dread...Valentine’s Day. Now don’t be in such a hurry to run for the hills. As commercially inflated as Valentine’s Day is, it’s not that bad. Pick your sweetheart up, take her out to a fancy dinner, tell her how much you love her--you know the drill. And if you don’t, then thank goodness you are reading this article. Here are just a few things to keep in mind. 1. Be traditional. Pick up a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates before arriving to our house. You can never go wrong with flowers, unless we have bad allergies. Then prepare for a night of sneezing fits. And when you present the chocolates, don’t take it to heart when we yell at you for being unsupportive of our diet. We really do appreciate the thought. Plus, it shows you were actually thinking about us before the date instead of playing the Xbox for hours until realizing the time and hastily throwing on some clothes and cheap cologne while we spent our hours doing our hair and makeup and choosing an outfit. Oh, and when we ask you, “Do I look fat in this?” choose your words as wisely as you would your weapon in Black Ops. 2. Chivalry better NOT be dead. Yes, we actually do want you to open the car door for us like a chauffeur. And when entering the restaurant, you better bet we want you to run ahead of us to open the door, even if you happen to be 50 feet behind. After getting inside the restaurant, we will not sit down at the table until you pull our chair back for us. Remember, our arms do not function like normal while on a date. 3. Check, please ! From the moment the date starts, it becomes an unspoken agreement that you pay for dinner. Please don’t comment on the amount of food we order. When it reaches the table, we’ll suddenly lose our appetite anyways. For some reason, our ability to eat is lost once we realize you are actually watching. 4. Do you love us? Please tell us you love us. LOVE US NOW! Though the saying “Actions speak louder than words” is usually correct, we still want you to vocalize your undying, unconditional love for us. Every 5 minutes, in fact. Despite the gifts and fancy dinner you’ve presented us, we get more doubtful by the second and need the constant reassurance. 5. Just because it’s the fourth quarter doesn’t mean the game is over already. In other words, the date is not over just because you are driving us home. When dropping us off, walk us to our door! You never know what creepy things are lurking around between your car and our house. It would be on your conscience if we died within that 10 feet. Also, don’t be surprised if we linger outside for a little while longer. (Ahem, that’s your cue!) We are not just standing there to admire our front door. We are waiting for you to give us that goodnight kiss! And you know that 90/10 advice you got from Hitch ? That’s right, you go 90, we go 10. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Askmen.com puts it in easy-to-understand guy lingo, “She has to kiss [you] because [you] stop at the 90-yard line and she’s moving forward out of the end zone.” Ah see, now you get it! So yes, gentlemen, we are (usually) willing to kiss you as long as you make the first move. This is the one instance when you must throw the “ladies first” commandment out the window. It is a rule for us women to never initiate anything. Ever. Now go for that touchdown and plant one on us! So there you have it. What you need to know to survive Valentine’s Day! It wasn’t that bad, now was it? You now have the tools to create the perfect V-Day date. We’re not asking for much, just a couple of dollars dropped here and there to make the night one to remember. After all, it is the one and only night to prove yourself worthy to us. It’s not like you can express how you feel any other night, right? Whoa, no pressure there! Follow my advice and maybe, just maybe, you will survive. Oh, and if all else fails, you can always just stay home, help us make a nice homemade dinner, and pop in a movie while cuddling with your sweetheart. That works, too. Good luck, gentlemen!