Osama Bin Laden has escaped our armed forces for too long. Our forces have been in Afghanistan for over three years without much success. We have killed many terrorists and captured top lieutenants, but Bin Laden remains at large and al-Qaeda still thrives. Now is the time for drastic measures. We must pull everyone out of Afghanistan and release the secret weapon, the Terminator.

Schwarzenegger has been doing a mediocre job of running our state, but there is one thing everyone can agree on--he is a killing machine. What we must do is drop Schwarzenegger into Afghanistan with nothing but a rock, some rope, and a single bullet. Some of you might say he needs more supplies, but he has taken out an entire tropical island with 300 enemies with less supplies.

After a month of killing terrorists, Bin Laden will realize Schwarzenegger is out to kill him and will send every terrorist to kill him. Schwarzenegger will somehow lure all of the terrorists into a cave and then blow it up with the explosives he made out of birds, salt, and dirt.

Now with all of the terrorists dead, Schwarzenegger will come for Bin Laden. Once he finds Bin Laden, they will engage in an epic nighttime knife fight on top of a mountain. After fighting for a long time, Bin Laden will stab Schwarzenegger in the arm. Then Schwarzenegger will remember the single bullet he was given and throw it really hard at Bin Laden’s head and he will die. Then Schwarzenegger will solemnly say, “You’re Terminated.” The War on Terror will be over, and everyone will love America again.

This is what will happen if we deploy Schwarzenegger in Afghanistan. However, there is a good chance that he will not agree to destroying terrorism, in which case we will be forced to resort to plan B, Sylvester Stallone. He will reprise his Rambo role to make sure freedom prevails.

This plan is 100% foolproof. Nothing, and no one, can stop the Terminator or Rambo from completing their mission. If you do not like this idea and unnecessary violence, you are un-American and you are helping the terrorists. You should be ashamed of yourself, you freedom hater. Shame on you. Vote Republican.