So I am (insert activity) with one of my friends, when he all of a sudden, he says, “I had Reese’s for breakfast!”

And I, totally bewildered, say, “You had candy for breakfast?!”

Then he, totally cool, says, “No, silly, I had Reese’s Puffs Cereal for breakfast!” Or, at least that is how it would go if commercials ruled the world (which is not all that impossible.)

Commercials are irritating these days. Not only are they irritating but they are horrifyingly ridiculous. Like those god-awful Spangle’s ads on you see on T.V. at every break on every channel. They are all terrible.

But take for example the first commercial of theirs I watched, in which some goofy looking people (including a guy with hair not far off of the bride of Frankenstein’s) sing about how someone gave them a “M-m-m-Mudslide.”

Personally a “Mudslide” sounds like slang for some terrifying bowel illness, and if someone gave me one I would neither be happy with them, nor would I be singing about it in a commercial. And that’s the best one. If these commercials get any worse, I think my retinas will detach in protest.

But not even those will come close to the mother of all bad commercials, the Eagle’s Carwash commercial. I am not even quite sure the exact name of the company, but I am positive it is for some carwash place, where some off-key people sing, “Soar with the eagles once a week,” while a bald eagle swoops down on a river and picks up a fish.

What this has to do with a carwash, I have no idea. Eagles are not known for their poor car washing skills. Plus, who washes their car once a week? The whole concept is screwy.

The only logical solution to this obvious slip in commercial quality is for me to write, direct and act out every commercial in the entire world for the rest of existence. Seeing as how that won’t work, Spangle’s should just fire their commercial guy. Or give him a promotion, since bad quality sticks out more than a mediocre one.

In the end, I stop watching television all together. I catch myself in the middle of a Boy Meets World episode, but once a commercial for Sylvan Learning center comes on, I just feel motivated to go scan my flash cards.