Everybody just calm down. People keep coming up to me asking where I’m going to school next year, what scholarships I’ve gotten and if I’ve got “the goods.” I’m not too sure why they keep asking me for the goods, but I don’t have time to worry about it. In fact, I don’t have time to worry about where I’m going to school next year or how much it’s going to cost, either – know why? T.I. is headed back to prison.

 
For those of you who don’t know, T.I.P. got arrested for trying to purchase illegal automatic firearms (please note: this is a rapper keeping it real). He then made a guilty plea-bargain, did 1,500 hours of community service, started filming a reality show about helping kids make better decisions in their lives and pretty much became best friends with his district attorney (please note: this is a rapper not keeping it real).

May I be the first to ask: what? This isn’t how a gangsta rapper should respond to federal weapons charges; this is how Wayne Brady would respond to federal weapons charges. Am I making fun of Wayne Brady? Of course not, he’s the nicest black guy in the world. But we’re talking about the “Rubber Band Man” here. It’s just embarrassing to see T.I. with an MTV reality show, that’s all. For most people that’s a career-ender. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a stroll.

Doggy Fizzle Televizzle, Making the Band 12, The Osbournes, Pimp My Ride, Punk’d, Newlyweds, Run’s House, the Ashlee Simpson Show – do you want me to go on? Everybody knows that once you have a show on MTV, you’ve reached the end of the line. So the question remains: where will T.I. end up?

Well obviously first he’ll end up in jail. Then he’ll have to take a day or two to regroup. In the meantime, everybody needs to get off my back and start ridiculing T.I. instead, because obviously he’s the one with the problem. His problem? Identity crisis. He’s a ghetto rapper trying to act like Wayne Brady. I mean then again I guess everybody suffers from identity crisis – I thought I was a pirate until I was 6. But I straightened myself out once I realized all pirates did was spend months at a time on a small boat with only other men getting scurvy (and God knows what other diseases…).

That being said, I just wish T.I. would walk like he talks. I also wish people would stop asking me for the goods. And above all else, I really hope you don’t Youtube any of those MTV shows I listed.