If you’re looking for a way to stay in shape this winter, then going out for a winter sport would seem like the obvious thing to do. But, if you’re like me, then the options are limited: you’re 5’8’’ and wouldn’t look good in those new basketball warm-ups, enjoy food too much to be in wrestling, and can’t find a speedo that fits (though not from lack of trying). It seems like a tough position to be in, but don’t get too discouraged. There are other ways to get a beach bod for the spring, and they’re actually more fun.

Getting super pumped: Contrary to popular myth, bodybuilding, not prostitution, is the most ancient profession. Evolutionary scientists agree that the large scantly haired Homo-Sapiens evolved from the small and hairy Austrolapithicus due to lots of waxing and dedicated lifting. Amazingly, this tradition is still alive, even at Ames High School.

“Getting buff gives you respect. I used to get scared walking down the street because of all the mean looking people, but ever since I got buff, I’ve been confident and the rough folk leave me alone,” super-buff junior Daniel Brown said.

AHS has a wonderful weight room complete with mirrors on the walls, so a buff bod can be admired from all angles. However, getting pumped up can be done outdoors, as well.

“One of my favorite things to do is tree workouts,” Brown said. “I just go to the first tree I see and go wild. Sometimes I climb them and tear branches out. I usually end up tearing them out of the ground.”

Bodybuilding is a great way to increase muscular strength during the winter, and you get to grunt loudly while doing it.

Streetball: Not to be confused with basketball, streetball is much too controversial to be sanctioned by the IHSAA. Streetball is the delinquent cousin of basketball, the one that lives with Grandma and Mom calls a “Troubled Tyler.” The goal of streetball is to play with as much style as possible.

“When I ball, I ball all the way,” junior Jordan Bergman said. “I usually start after school and don’t stop until my mom calls me to come home.”

In recent years, streetballing has become more of an art form than a conventional workout, as ballers develop their own style and signature moves. Bergman’s move is called the “Jordan J. Jammer.” He declined to describe it, claiming that it must be seen to be believed. Streetballing is the way to go for anyone who likes to be creative while they sweat.

Cross-Country Skiing: This is probably the most rigorous and beneficial way to keep fit over the winter. It also serves as a way to get out and appreciate nature. However, the benefits don’t end there. Junior Conrad Lueke claims that cross country skiing makes one a better lover.

“Tell me how you kick and glide, and I’ll tell you how to love,” Lueke said.

The WEB doesn’t know what this means, but it sounds interesting. Lueke is an outspoken advocate of the benefits of cross-country skiing, saying it has taught him life skills.

“It really makes you learn how to use your poles, and it’s a challenge not to get your tips caught in the snow,” Lueke said.

The best thing about cross-country skiing is that as long as there is snow on the ground, it can be done anytime and anywhere, although many skiers agree that forest paths are the most fun.

Whichever method you chose, everyone can agree that staying fit over the winter should become second nature. As Arnold Scwarzenegger once said “My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don’t think about it, I just have it.”