Peter Pan usually brings to mind a fanciful Disney character who chooses a world of excitement and eternal childhood over adult responsibilities. A Peter Pan mentality is fine for a fictional character, but today a growing number of men between the ages of 16-26 have fallen prone to the appropriately named Peter Pan Syndrome. These are men that do not want to grow up and delay entering the adult world at any cost. This phenomenon was first identified by sociologist Michael Kimmel in his book Guyland.
Kimmel defines Guyland as the time period between adolescence and adulthood which once lasted a matter of months and is now lasting a decade. The general mindset of Guyland is to “keep the party going.” It is characterized by binge drinking, hazing, hooking up, playing video games and incessant obsessions with sports or sports talk. It’s a continuation of the college frat culture in which men drift from hook up to hook up and graduate without a sense of direction. They see “grown up life” as a huge loss and delay it for as long as possible.
In 1960, 70% of men had reached milestones such as marriage, starting a family and starting a career by the age of 30. However, today less than 1/3 of men have reached these milestones by 30, and more men are leaving guyland at what used to be considered the “creeping” middle age, in their late 30s and early 40s.
Why is there this startling change in today’s young men? Kimmel attributes Guyland to parenting styles, college life and the transforming role of women. Modern women are enjoying the “fruits of feminism.” On college campuses, women tend to be more goal-oriented and driven then their male counterparts. Women are also showing signs of outpacing their boyfriends and husbands as the major income earners of the family. This may leave young men resentful towards women or confused about their role in modern society.
Parenting styles may also be a root cause of Guyland. There are many helicopter parents who micromanage their sons’ lives throughout childhood and high school. However, as soon as their child enters college these parents may become completely uninvolved. Consequently, their child is ill-equipped to handle the freedom and responsibility of college life. Additionally, today’s longer life span causes young men to wonder what the rush is and delay long term commitments like marriage. Today’s generation of young men have earned the honor as being the most endlessly adolescent in American history.
Peter Pan syndrome, or Guyland, is noticeable in mass media as well. In the movie Failure To Launch, Sarah Jessica Parker’s character builds a career out of “helping” men in their 20s and 30s grow up. At one point Parker states, “Well, you know, you’d be amazed at how many adult children are still living at home.”
Recent movies like The Hangover, I Love You Man and Wedding Crashers also depict Guyland behavior as normal, healthy and entertaining. Although these are witty and humorous movies, they all feature men in their mid to late thirties who binge drink and keep a running tally of how many attractive women they can get into bed each month. These movies support Guyland behavior as socially acceptable for the young men and women who are watching.
More importantly, Guyland might symbolize society’s decaying family values and morals. Thirty years ago the behavior that a staggering number of men are exhibiting today would have been socially unacceptable. Building a family and creating meaningful relationships can be one of the most fulfilling and meaningful experiences in life, but modern men are delaying it at all costs. In addition, Guyland does not leave many options for today’s young women. In Guyland, women have two options: they can be the witch or the babe. Are the days of having a boy take you out to dinner, open the door, and pick up the check over? The commitmentphobia mentality of Guyland seems to validate the cynical phrase that chivalry is dead.
Guyland might just be a passing phase, an irrelevant cycle that will soon come to a close. However, it could signify a new stage in American society; a stage where the average male gets married and moves out of his parent’s basement at the age of 45. One can only hope that this is not the case and that the media and society do not continue to enforce “Peter Pan Syndrome” as a desirable and consequence-free lifestyle.