Top O’ the morning to ya! Happy Saint Patty’s Day! Go put on some green and pull out the Guinness. It’s time to get drunk and celebrate…umm, something.

What do we actually celebrate on St. Patrick’s Day? No one ever seems to know. Most people just think the holiday is about wearing green and getting drunk.

St. Patrick’s Day is a celebration of the efforts of St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, to convert native Irish pagans to Christianity. He was very adept at winning converts and he used the shamrock to help explain the concept of the Trinity.

However, all of that useless-fact-babble is beyond my point. Why would anyone want to spend possibly the greatest holiday all year too drunk to even remember it? Not that any high-schoolers would, because underage drinking is illegal.

On St. Patrick’s Day, we get to pinch people for no reason – well, no good reason. But if they’re not wearing green, I’m going to be mean. You don’t want to be too drunk to forget to sport the green, and you want to have the coordination and consciousness necessary to pinch the people who didn’t remember to. Alcohol may impair your ability to notice this. Plus, underage drinking is illegal.

For those band-geeks who will be marching in the St. Patrick’s Day parade in New York: you don’t want to be so incredibly drunk that you forget your music - or worse, how to march in a straight line. Alcohol may lead you to believe that the light pole you are about to walk into is really a person marching in front of you. It’s not. Besides, consuming alcohol under 21 is illegal anyway.

This year St. Patrick’s Day is on a Friday, a weekend/party night, so people who might not normally be tempted to celebrate with alcohol may decide to this year. Don’t. Just don’t do it. It is a bad idea. You’ll get sick and die. And you’ll get caught because underage drinking is illegal.

Just keep in mind that drinking alcohol under the age of 21 is not legal. It is a bad idea. Find a safer, better and more legal way to celebrate this wonderful holiday. Though it might be fun to pinch a drunk person...