I’m usually more-or-less on the same page as others when it comes to film. I read Rotten Tomatoes with unhealthy regularity, I am well versed in the best of the best when it comes to critical consensus, and I usually defend films based off of their status as “classics”. However, while the most important thing is always to know your subject and try to understand the historical and technical relevance of anything considered a milestone, be it in film or some other artistic medium, you should also never be afraid to think for yourself and forge your own opinions, even if they seem totally contrary to the established order. Here are my 5 greatest points of discontent with the majority of film buffs:

5) I’m not a Casablanca fan, by any stretch of the imagination. I find it visually unappealing (the fog makes the thing look really stagey), the dialogue so rapid fire and on the nose that I’m sucked completely out of it as a film (rather, I’m stuck examining its pieces as parts of a machine, nodding at the clever lines and delivery rather than being drawn in by them), and a pretty lame love story, for all of its legendary status. We see Rick’s love through a series of montages, the spend the rest of the movie hearing him and Ingrid Bergman talk about how much they love each other and what a sprawling, passionate affair they had. Some excellent character acting (Peter Lorre, Sidney Greenstreet, Claude Rains) aside, there’s nothing I like. It’s that one Golden Age of Hollywood production I can’t get behind.

4) Rat Race is my favorite comedy. Yeah, the one with the Smash Mouth and the Whoopi Goldberg. I know on some level I should choose a better film, one with more dignity or cultural impact, but… there’s not much else to say. Which film has made me laugh hardest? This one. Therefore, it’s my favorite comedy. There are better comedies, but this one made me laugh the most (a very strange paradox).

3) I don’t find 2001 boring. Not for a second of it.  I first saw 2001 when I was 8-9 and it had a tremendous impact on me.  I saw primitive man, dancing spaceships, HAL, perhaps cinema’s greatest antagonist, and the sheer awe and beauty of those last 30 minutes. Kubrick takes us to the logical endpoint for human advancement and pondering, and it’s utterly enrapturing. It’s more-or-less a universally loved film, but even fans of it comment on how slow it is. I can’t get behind that. Every second is enlightenment, enrapturing… sorry, I’ll stop now. This is the one film that I have no control over gushing about.

2) Jesus Christ Superstar is my favorite musical. Yeah… I dunno what to say. I’m a stone cold atheist, and this is one of my favorite films. It’s not even particularly fondly regarded among fans of musicals, but I love it unabashedly. I think it builds genuine pathos, asks some pretty heavy questions in regards to religion and authority, and the songs are awesome. I’m so sorry, but I have to be true to myself.