As I survey the vast frozen landscape that is Bay Port’s parking lot and observe the sea of colorful cars that decorate it, I wonder how every student driver was able to make it through the morning rush and into their parking spots with no harm done.

Considering that our school’s parking lot is an icy labyrinth during the winter (and a hazard all on its own), it’s a miracle that Bay Port’s parking lot accident rate isn’t higher than high. Basic, sane driving practices go out the window as students rush to get to class on time and pick the best spot. The risk of being in an accident triples in the winter, when ice coats the ground and tires slip and slide to no end.

There are unspoken rules to follow but that doesn’t stop anybody from making their own, as it is impossible to mediate the parking lot during the winter unless you enjoy being crushed under the wheels of some inattentive student and watching your internal organs spew across the pavement. Who bothers anymore? Well, someone does, and his name is Mr. Vlies, teacher in the At Risk room and unofficial parking lot coordinator.

“It’s technically considered extra duty,” says Vlies. “I watch for kids doing what they aren’t supposed to.” Vlies has seen everything from fender benders to minor accidents.

“One day during the winter, I saw someone burning cheerios,” he says, spinning his hands around and pointing outside his window to the parking lot. “His truck ended up rolling over.” Vlies seems not to mind doing this job as long as he keeps kids safe.

Parking Lot Etiquette

Sometimes, accidents are not preventable during the winter, when snow and ice plagues our parking lot. But they can be better avoided by following a few simple rules.

  1) Look where you’re driving. Just be very aware of other cars and their general proximity to you, and hopefully others will do the same.

2) It’s every man for himself. It is a battle of the savages, each man fighting for the same parking spot. No one is here to personally cater to your driving and parking needs.

3) Drive slow, and actually attempt to make safe right and left turns without causing the death of one of your classmates.

4) Not that I know how, but learn to park. Rather, learn that even on your latest days there are always going to be a few front spots scattered throughout the lot that you can snag. It’s just a matter of maneuvering your vehicle into those tight, hidden spots.

To the future student drivers of Bay Port, beware. Just remember to be extra careful on your first day entering the death trap. Hopefully you have crossed from sorely misinformed to brutally scared, but at least you know what’s coming for you.