1984 At Cameron High School Friday, March 20, 2009 By Morgan Breckenridge - Advertising Recently in my Political Science we had an assignment on conspiracy theories. We watched a clips of a movie called "Loose Change". "Loose Change", in a nutshell, basically blames the Unites States Government for orchestrating the September 11 attacks. This discussion got my mind working, wondering what other conspiracy theories about the Unites States were out there. I found a list entitled "Top 10 Wackiest Conspiracy Theories" including the fake Apollo Moon Landing, barcodes are intended to control people, and the Nazis had a moon base. Of course, all of these seem completely untrue, but they sure are entertaining, right? All of these conspiracy theories made me start to wonder about the secrets hidden at Cameron High School, and I think I've figured it all out. The FBI is going to be on this story in days!   First off, I am almost completely sure this school has hidden cameras in the Germ-X dispensers. Sure, the administration wants you to think they installed these "dispensers" in every classroom because of the a staf outbreak last year, but I know the truth! On the front of every dispenser there just so happens to be a small clear circle....watching your every move, spying on you while you text your significant other romantic text messages, observing you as you gaze at your eye makeup through your compact. 1984, anyone?   I have been attending Cameron High School for four, long, monotonous years, and I have had an adequate amount of time to observe teachers, administrators, and various other CHS employees. I have also been in virtually every room in this school except for two: the teacher's copy room and the janitor's closet.   Now the teachers claim the reason students are not allowed in the mysteriously named "teacher's copy room" because of confidentiality reasons. Teachers supposedly don't want you to read their mail or know what students are being punished, but why all the unnecessary secrecy?   Probably because behind those flimsy, hollow wood doors lies a 3 ring circus complete with elephants, clowns, and cotton candy! Mr. Gerber is clearly the ring master, dressed to the nines with a top hat and red tuxedo jacket, while Mr. Archibald orders the acrobats and animals around to perform their various stunts. The teachers exit the "copy room" filled with cotton candy, peanuts, and a feeling of joy for having fun while their students diagram sentences and solve for x.   As for the janitor's closet, I'm not quite sure I should reveal what lies amongst the windex and that stuff that absorbs human stomach fluids off the floor. We are for sure going to catch some flack from the government for divulging such secrets to the public, but I feel the community must know! Inside the janitor's closet lies the "big red button", ready at any minute to be pushed in the event of a nuclear attack or other world catastrophe. Bart and Glen, the veterans of the CHS janitorial staff, are constantly on guard, ready to push the button to keep America safe.   I have many other conspiracy theories about Cameron High School, including Mr. Gerber's secret marathon training plans for the 2012 Summer Olympics, and the Dragon Lair being the "real" Fort Knox. However, I think I have already told you too much. If you would like to know any more information about what really goes on at Cameron High School, you can find me in the teacher's copy room watching Mr. Gerber eat fire.

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