Since the dawn of time it has always been women who have been associated with the miracle of birth. First there was Eve, then Arnold Schwarzenegger, now defying all odds is Mr. Wiley Rodenrantz, a new math teacher at East, who strives to become the next great child bearer.

"When women become pregnant, they reap benefits and are given accommodations which I am entitled to as well, but my wishes aren’t granted because I don’t have a big tummy. Well, times are changing and so am I, so look out world 'cause a new man is comin’ to town," said Rodenrantz.

Rodenrantz has undergone much ridicule from his wild dreams of bearing a child.

"I knew the man was a little off when he first came here, but now I think he’s completely off his rocker, " said Mr. Leopold Read, a biology teacher at East.

He holds his dream to his heart and he believes that with hard work and perseverance comes a whole new world of cramps and tampons.

The doctor performing the operation, Dr. T.J. Eckleburg, is a woman who is very against Rodenrantz’s ideals, but will do as he wishes.

"Why am I performing this surgery? I don’t know. He is a very odd man, but he does have a hot hair-do," said Eckleburg. "At first I thought he was crazy because I, being a very experienced physician, had never heard of surgery for this reason before. Now I see that all he is asking someone to do is play god for a chapter of his life."

Rodenrantz is very happy he chose Eckleburg as his doctor and and will be glad to join her gender in the near future.

"I don’t need anyone else’s approval, because I know that I can make it if I just believe in myself," said Rodenrantz.

However, Rodenrantz is not completely without support. Many of his students support his quest to become a woman.

"I think it’s great that Mr. R is putting himself out there," said Daniel Nichols (’06). "He is whatever he says he is, and if he wasn’t then why would he say he is? In the paper, the news, every day he is. Radio don’t even play his jam."

With all of the commotion, Rodenrantz’s decision to become a child bearer has angered many pregnant women in the school.

"Men have always had the upper hand in things and labor is the one thing that makes women powerful," said Mrs. Maylene Rooney, a currently pregnant teacher who likes gifts for her baby. "It’s our time to suffer and be strong through the pain of a massive watermelon exiting our wombs."

Rodenrantz, though, does not fear the animosity that the pregnant teachers contain.

"Many of the pregnant teachers think I am trying to steal their spotlight – and that’s exactly what I’m doing, so boo-yah," said Rodenrantz.

Will Bodenshatz prevail and take on the fiery demons as that "massive watermelon" escapes from his soon to be carved womb? No one knows what will happen so that question is somewhat pointless, but remember ladies and insane gentlemen, if you play music close to your bellies while you are pregnant, your baby will become a genius just like Mr. Rodenrantz is.