Nobody takes my physical prowess seriously these days. People laugh when I tell them that I have been working out and snicker when I tell them that I could beat them in a race. It is profoundly insulting to take such abuse when I have devoted large sums of money and sweat to achieving the sculpted form I now possess.

I believe that a lot of this apathy stems from the fact that I have never participated in one high school sport. This unfortunate fact comes from my earlier years (sometime around 8th grade) when I adopted the view that sports were stupid and all participants were dim-witted or unintelligent. I valued my “intellectual” proficiency over physical skill. It only took me a few weeks in high school to learn that not only was I in terrible shape, but I wasn’t the smartest kid on the block anymore.

Due to those unfortunate circumstances, I lost self-esteem and became addicted to video games. Only last summer did I finally realize that it was time to do something about my pathetic self-perspective. So, partly with my mother’s urgings, I set off to Peak Performance in Hartland to revolutionize my life.

I worked out there for at least 5 months twice a week and now go to the YMCA four times a week. I look (I think) and feel better than I ever have before. I am more outgoing and confident. But there are still problems.

People still don’t take me seriously.

I have won numerous arm wrestling matches, won races against old rivals, put up valiant resistance in wrestling matches against varsity athletes and won countless light saber duels against buff Star Wars junkies.

And people still don’t take me seriously.

As a rule, people know that I am fairly intelligent. They don’t question that. But when anything related to my bodily skills comes up, they laugh.

It’s ridiculous. I have a chiseled bod that would make a Greek god green with envy. I think I need to beat someone up to get my point across.

Well, maybe not. My fists say yes but my mind screams no. Maybe the purchase of a punching bag and some steroids may help.