Ok get this. You’re sitting in English class one day trying to concentrate when your attention is distracted to something brown and fuzzy moving across the floor in the corner of the room. No you’re not hallucinating- you saw a mouse.

One of the classrooms that a mouse has been sighted in is Mr. Maul’s room. He has been labeled by the AP British lit class as Grendel the mouse. Grendel is upset with this name because being associated with this name would mean that his mother was a water hag, when in fact his mother was a hamster (and his father smelled of elderberries but that’s besides the point.)

Grendel would much prefer a much more subtle name like Humphrey. He enjoys being perched upon Mr. Maul’s bookshelf, sipping coffee out of a Sac State travel mug and sharing “what’s new and exciting” in his life, while his eyes roll about in his head focusing on absolutely nothing.

He also enjoys reading his favorite novel Of Mice and Men when the classroom is quiet and empty. But lately he has been so distraught with being referred to as Grendel that he has threatened to wreak havoc in the classroom until it is changed.

He also has asked that the poor mouse hanging on the white board be removed because it has been causing him to have terrible nightmares and strange dreams. Some nights he wakes up to find himself dancing about Mr. Maul’s desk with the Happy Meal toys.

Grendel also has a cousin up the hall that has become a resident of Mrs. Caldwell’s computer lab. His actions have provoked him to be called Rodney the Rodent Rights Activist.

Rodney is very concerned with the future generation of mice for the following reasons:

1) They’re programmed. 2) They’re tethered to a monitor. 3) They’re exposed to excessive clicking. 4) They have no balls.

Rodney has become accustomed to leaving protesting messages on the whiteboard such as, “Stop Mouse Clicking!” and “Clicking is a Crime!”

These mice should be regarded as extremely dangerous and students should be on full alert when entering these two classrooms.

If you should happen to come in contact with these mice please remember to NOT do the following things:

1.

DO NOT-Try to talk to the mouse and become his friend (They do not want friends and if anyone else sees you talking to a mouse they’ll think you’re nuts.)

2.

DO NOT- Give the mouse any sharp object such as a paperclip or a sharp pencil (You may be risking the lives of other students and as much as we dislike the mousies we don’t want him poking his eye out)

3.

DO NOT- Attempt to grab his tail and hold him up for others to see (The mouse may become use o this type of public attention and cause him to show up more often.)

4.

DO NOT- Try to feed the mouse (In the event that he may choke it is almost impossible to give the Heimlich to a mouse.)

5.

DO NOT- Succumb to any of a mouse’s requests no matter how much he bribes you! (Helping these mice will be treason and you will be held responsible for the mice gaining control of Lincoln High School!)