I’ve always been the kind of person to worry about the slightest things. If I got a stupid 93 on a test instead of 100, if my best friend wasn’t the first one to call me on my birthday, and even if my little sister was to even think about touching a childhood memory.

Things have changed so much beyond my belief. I expected myself to grow up and be the best. I was raised to be better than how my mom grew up, and I really thought I could accomplish that simple task. All I ever wanted to do was make her proud. I want her to feel like she has done a good job raising me, but most importantly I wanted to keep that same bond between us tight.

What I found is that it’s harder than it looks. You get caught up in the wrong crowd and end up turning from a leader to a follower in an instant, decide school isn’t that important and ruin your life in less than 24 hours. Now, mom blames herself for my actions, falls asleep crying, and not only decided she has ruined my life but hers as well. This isn’t what I wanted for myself. I wanted to be the best. Not for me, but for her. Not only so I can be proud, but also so she can. I feel like its too late, I’m just a disappointment to her now and that’s all I’ll ever be. She gave me enough rope to hang myself with and I have hung myself. Every time I leave her sight, the rope gets tighter and tighter. At this point, I’m angry, not only with myself but at the world. I blame myself completely but put my faults out for everyone to notice. I’m not the same anymore…

School is the least of my issues, my best friend thinks I’m a bad influence, and my sister and I don’t even speak. Life doesn’t have the same meaning anymore, but I can change. I’ve done it once to put a negative effect in my life and I can do it again to make something of myself.